I was born on September 26, 1989 in Northeast Georgia Medical Center. From the very beginning, the Lord's presence and blessings were in my life. I was very fortunate to have been born into a family whose Christian values were kept at a very high importance. Throughout my youth, I attended the Church of Christ 3 times a week. However, I never felt like I was accepted. From a very young age, my peers at church made me feel like an outcast... a bad person. I have always felt that the early teenage years are very critical in a young person's life. The decisions that are made and the actions that occur in those years can change a person's life forever. In those early teenage years I was very strong in the thought that "Church" was not for me. I decided to tune everything out when I was at church and start living like this life was all about me. I was selfish, untrustworthy, and worst of all - I did NOT love the Lord. I went throughout my High School years feeling this way, and my reputation reflected how I felt inside. I was a Varsity Competition Cheerleader, Varsity Football Cheerleader, Varsity Soccer Player all four years of High School. I was on the Varsity Swim Team my senior year. What I did not realize then, was that I had tons of little girls who looked up to me - including my little sister. I had no respect for myself, and it was obvious. If you would have asked any of my friends back then to describe me in two words... the answer would have been "No Feelings." My mother thought that I had no feelings either. In my four years of High School, I didn't cry much. I could probably count all the times I cried throughout those four years on one hand.
It is said that once you get in college, your relationship with the Lord will either grow or disappear. Well, a week after I graduated High School, I moved out of my parents house. I learned that the real world is not as easy and fun as I had expected. I had to work 3 jobs and try to handle a full load at school. I met all my bills on time... but my grades were suffering.
About the same time I moved out, I started to get migraines. Terrible migraines - the kind that will keep you in your bed all day. My mother bought me thick black curtains for my room so that in the middle of the day I could sleep if I needed to. Then I started to get these weird "spells" [as the doctor called them]. What happened was, I would be reading, driving etc. and it would feel like I couldn't do anything for about 3 seconds. Really, the only way I could come up with to describe these spells was that "My brain was like a CD, and my CD had a scratch on it. It was like my brain was skipping."
I went to the neurologist and they did not know what to make of it. They did a MRI on my brain, and the results were not very exciting. Everything in my brain looked normal... BUT (I hate it when doctors say "But"... it's hardly ever good) there was a dark spot in the bottom center part of my brain. They suspected cancer. They discussed biopsying it with us, but in the end they decided to handle it the way House would handle it (Yes, like Gregory House from the TV series). Basically, they were going to use a variety of different medicines and test to see if they worked with each other. If it worked, it stayed. If I still have migraines, it went. This was a scariest, darkest time of my life.
When this news came in, I was in the lowest place I have ever been in my whole life. A couple weeks later, my friend Lauren invited me to go to this place called "The FC". The FC is a meeting held every Tuesday in Suwanee, Ga. It is for High School/College aged kids - the pastor not being much older than us. The very first time I went captivated me. Jordan (the pastor) talked about what Jesus did for me by dying on the cross. A clip of "The Passions of the Christ" was played - the part when they placed a crown of thorns on his head, beat him, and made him carry his own cross up. They showed when Jesus died, and then the whole room was quiet. When I think about this moment in my life, I can still feel the way it felt when the Lord was stirring my heart. I didn't know it at the time that it was happening, but there was a distinct feeling. For the first time in YEARS I cried because of someone's pain besides my own. My face was soaking wet, sobs forming. Jordan talked about how everyone sins, but because of the love of Christ... the incredible act of dying a cruel and awful death on that horrid cross - MY sins could be forgiven. I could come out of the darkness and see the light.
The next couple weeks after this night were a blur. I became a regular attender of the FC. Everything about it was moving. The music, the preaching, and most of all - the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Growing up in the Church of Christ, I had never felt anything like this before. See- I shut off my attention to church so long before I knew what was really going on... that this was like fresh water on the driest of days. When we sang songs at church when I was young, I didn't understand the lyrics of the hymns. I knew people around me understood them - like my Daddy. When the preacher spoke... it felt like it never related to me. I felt like the message was always about "Why you should dress your best on Sundays" "Why the Church of Christ is the only place to be" "No instruments in church. THE END" and "You're a sinner."
Now, being older and more mature - I realize that my heart was shut off back then. The devil had a hold of my heart with a tight grip. It was going to take me getting out of the Church of Christ and EXPERIENCING GOD.
I started praying again shortly after I started attending The FC. I stopped listening to the awful music I was so accustomed to. In High School, I had the mouth of a sailor - I stopped saying such awful things as well. I learned at the FC that I needed to put my trust in the Lord - and so that's what I tried to do.
A few weeks later, the doctors did another MRI and came to the conclusion that I did not have cancer. The medicines that they put me on helped me and stopped the "spells". This was great news. I knew it was because I had put my trust in the Lord and he was telling me that he was listening.
I started searching through The Bible for answers to my daily problems. One of my biggest problem was relationships. There had been two guys who had caught my eye a few years back and I was constantly seeking their attention. I wanted a relationship so badly but neither of the guys treated me like a woman should be treated. Looking back, they didn't even like me. They were mean to me the majority of the time. I prayed for the guys to love me back. I got no answer to that prayer.
At the beginning of the second semester of my Freshman year in college, I got fed up with praying about the same thing and never getting an answer to it. I figured, that if it was a reasonable request - the Lord would answer it.
I started to study 1 Corinthians 13.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking
It is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. [1 Cor 13:4-8]
I was sitting in my very first day of Biology Lab class, and I had something pressing on my heart. I tuned out the teacher and decided I would try to doodle. Instead of doodling, I ended up writing "My qualifications for my future husband". I listed about 20 qualifications that a man HAD to meet the next time I would date someone. I based the qualifications from my study of 1 Corinthians 13. I prayed about it, and told God that the next time I decide if a guy is for me, it will be because of these qualifications.
The next day, I had my first day of Psychology class. I walked in right before the class started and had to sit in the front. I looked back to my right to survey who was sitting in my class, to see if I knew anyone. When I did that, a guy caught my eye. My first thought was "Now THAT is someone I could see myself with forever."
I had to text my roommate and friends during class to keep from just staring at this guy. After class I called my mom and started telling her that I just saw my soul mate. She asked me what his name was... and I didn't know!
I did find out his name, which is Kevin. A year and a really long story later, we are together and still in love :). We dated for about 5 months before he became my boyfriend, our official one year is Friday, 5/14. Through this experience I have learned that if I put my faith in the Lord, seek obedience, and put Him first - He will bless me.
Kevin is a wonderful man. He is going to make a great husband and the best daddy someday.
Best part of all... Kevin met every qualification I had made.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you, declares the Lord, and bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."
-Jeremiah 29:11-14
